can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You were trust falling into bushes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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