His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
