It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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