I think my fart just growled at me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
