i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
