I just pynch a tree in the face
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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