I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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