Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
