I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize