butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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