Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
