yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
