I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize