he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
