Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
