her vagine was all disorganized.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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