Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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