I cannot find my penis.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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