That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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