they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize