Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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