I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
