we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
