i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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