A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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