you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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