Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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