I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
