holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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