Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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