dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Congratulations! We have a period
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