Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sober January is a disaster.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
