I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need moral support for this bender
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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