if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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