my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ladies don't puke and tell
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