she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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