oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
