Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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