someone get that fucking seahorse.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize