Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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