i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
