Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
