Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
