Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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