He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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