you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
