he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
