You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
