It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
