Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
