I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
