it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
