dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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