He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize