I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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