I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize