6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
