You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
one might say we're banned from that church
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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