I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I want her autograph on my taint
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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