I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
