Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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