Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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