youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
