This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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