conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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