The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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