College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
