When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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