So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
