I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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