Tell her she can't have a vagina
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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