i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
