You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
