So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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