Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
