I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
