I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize