make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
