You're completely useless in the revolution.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
