i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
