plz talk dirty to me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
