Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize