idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
